now, see, the funny thing is

that status i posted ("i give up") on facebook and later commented, "truth is, it's about someone i should've given up on a long time ago."

the funny thing about that comment is that it's a bit misleading. it's actually about three different people (two taylors and an alisha) who were all supposed to be really good friends. and i've been discovering recently that, while i went out of my way to be a really good friend to them, they rarely were a good friend to me (an occurrence that usually only when there was something in it for them).

now here's the funny part: alisha went and "liked" the comment that said "truth is, it's about someone i should've given up on a long time ago." i find it hilarious that she thinks she knows who it's about and is being all like "oh i'll prove how close and good of friends we are by liking this so everyone will know that i know who she's 'mysteriously' alluding to in this vague post hahaha." if only she knew that by liking it, she was agreeing to the fact that she's been given up on because she's not a good friend at all.

there's alway something new.

"Dead is the new unambiguous. Bipolar is the new undecided. Heavily armed is the new born again. Bald is the new head...and the new crotch. Hairy is the new face. Sheepishly admitting to having an STD is the new flirting. Purell is the new face of fear. Finding the time that's right for you is the new impotence. The smiley-face emoticon is the new "sincerely yours." Smoking is the new outdoorsy lifestyle. Looking forward to insanely expensive private schooling, thousand dollar a week nannies and soccer is the new yuppie birth control. Misinformed is the new patriotic. Veganism is the new "tastes like chicken." Serotonin uptake inhibiting is the new crowd control. Texting is the new talking. Talking is the new singing. Singing is the new hubris. Gay marriage is the new "be careful what you wish for." And finally, and only because I really need this to catch on, fifty-seven years old is the new forty-five." -Chuck Lorre Productions, #260

my computer is the new tv.
michelle is the new alisha (before alisha became bryan obsessed).
taylor is the new ally.
ally is also the new ally.
greg is the new "want what i can't have" menu item of the day.
pope & hudgens is the new school.
grad school is the new college.
the gre is the new sat.
tattoos are the new piercings.
piercings are the new jewelry.
hair dye is the new hair ribbon.
rock hill is the new get-a-way spot.
weed is the new alcohol.
alcohol is the new soft drink.
twenty (without alcohol) is the new fifteen (without a driver's license).
birth control is the new vitamin.
sex is the new stress release.
fuck buddy is the new boyfriend.
safe is the new boring.

idk what to do.

i really don't.

i know these aren't real feelings for him. i know it's just my insane hormones and all this extra oxytocin that's been released recently.

but it's making me confused around him. it's making me act noticeably different/stranger/more awkward/crazier around him. it's making me lonelier/sadder when i leave him.

i don't know what to do.

omg uguys!

i think i know what i want to do with my life.
actually, i'm pretty positive i know what i want to do with my life.

do you realize how much of a break through this is for me?! a year ago, i had no idea what made me happy; no idea what i was good at; no idea where i wanted to go once i graduated (something that's coming like a freight train). but now i do. dare i say it? i actually feel like i have a..."calling" now.

what's even better is that i know how i want to proceed with this calling. (i don't know how to pay for it just yet, but we'll cross that bridge when/if - can't jinx myself - i get into this graduate program). and it's looking like i'll be able to start the summer after i graduate from winthrop if i want to stay at winthrop with it (which i do). something that's all the better, i think.

okay. give up yet?
i'll say it.

i want to get my masters of education in counseling and development with a concentration in school counseling. i want to be a high school counselor. i love how excited my mom gets when one of her first graders achieves something they didn't think they could. i want to be able to do that while helping students further their education, find a job, deal with all the stress that comes with being a teenager. high school and i were not exactly bffs and i want to help students like me (and ones not like me) to broaden their horizons, realize high school isn't everything, and that they're capable of so much more than they think they are.

i sort of have my high school counselor to thank for this. he was a pretty cool cat and never made any student feel like he was too busy to help them. he knew us all by name, he struggled and celebrated with us, he helped us push past whatever limit we had set for ourselves just to show us that we could.

for the first time in a really long time, i'm starting to feel passionate about something again.

i want to do this.