consciousness, pt. 14

How is it that when I get nearly eleven hours of sleep, I'm more tired then when I got (let's say) seven? I mean, I literally feel like doing nothing right now. I feel like taking a mental health day but I have no idea what I would do with myself. Maybe I just won't go to my last class. I have to go to Spanish. Still without the book, I'd be completely lost if I didn't go to class too. And there's a VERY slight chance that I won't be able to make it to my English class on Thursday so I should probably go today too. But I really don't want to go to Spanish without my homework and since the professor has yet to e-mail me back with it, I don't know if I'll have it ready or not. I at least want the sheets printed out, but I don't even have that. Ugh. I do not like this week.

Another downer that has been occurring this week (well, more this weekend, but the majority of the week so far as well) is that I keep getting turned down by a certain someone for certain physical activities.

-Pause while I go put clothes on cause I just got out of the shower and feel extra pervy for writing this in only a towel wrap.-

OK, anyway. Friday night: "You can't stay, I'm too tired." Saturday night: "Man, I'm about to pass out. You should probably go home." Monday night: "Not tonight sorry." So, as I've tried this before I'm not entirely sure how it's going to work out, but I'm going to try again to just be aloof and not text him or ask to hang out. Buhh. I hate when it comes to this.

So, living with my roommate isn't so bad. I just can't stand it when her boyfriend is over (which is most of the time). It always works out in either one of two scenarios.

Scenario One:
Her: (in the highest, squeakiest voice you can imagine) BABYYYYYYY! Baby, I love you!
Him: okay.
Her: (still in squeaky voice) You don't love me?!
Him: I love you too.
Her: Awwww *kiss*kiss*kiss*kiss* (and these are done rapid, noisy successions which makes it extra annoying cause I have to keep hearing the fact that I can't do that with anyone anymore. Not that I did in the first place, but you get the idea).

Scenario Two: (based on an actual conversation but can be related to anything they talk about)
Her: Bryan, I thought you were going to fix bacon with breakfast!
Him: I said I would when the coffee was done.
Her: So you're just gonna lay there all day doing nothing?
Him: This is my one day to do absolutely nothing [meaning, no class or work] so yeah. I'm going to take a break.
Her: Well I wish I had a day to do absolutely nothing. I'm always either working or in class.
[continuous bickering until the bacon is made]
Her: Bryan! You didn't fix me any bacon?
Him: You said you don't like bacon.
Her: I said I like it sometimes.
Him: Well I didn't know you liked it today.
Her: Why do you think I made you bring it from your apartment?
Him: For me? I paid for it.
Her: Well I pay for pretty much everything else! And you still owe me $___. (and this part is a continuous argument for her. it seems, as Mark says, everything has a price tag and she remembers it, along with how many hours she works and how much she gets paid).

I really do love them both, but together they really get on my last nerve. No wonder his roommate had to start smoking all the time. I mean, I've already taken to smoking more this semester than last semester and this summer combined.

But I digress. Two good things this week has going for it are Wednesday and Thursday. Wednesday I'll have to go home for an orthodontist appointment Thursday morning, which means I'll get to do my laundry there and save many of my earned quarters for next time I need to do laundry. Plus, I'll be getting a hefty check from my mom paying me back for my rent and the school supplies I bought. Thursday night, Sequoyah Prep School is playing at a local bar and I'm so excited to see them again.

And now I have nothing more to say. I'm going to go check and see if my professor finally e-mailed me back, then read for my English class. Oh what fun.

range.

:D :) :\ :) :/ :( :'(

:D - Saturday. Moved in. Partied. Had fun. Life was swell.
:) - Sunday. Life is still swell. A little hungover, but all is good.
:\ - Monday. Had to go back to Newberry to spend the night. Eh.
:) - Tuesday. Came back to Rock Hill. Sexed and factoried. Exhausted, but good.
:/ - Wednesday. Job hunted. Spent most of my time alone. Very tired.
:( - Thursday. Cover was blown on my tattoo. Drank for nearly 12 hours. Made mistakes. Completely miserable.
:'( - Friday. Felt like shit all day. Suffered repercussions of the night before's drunken actions. Sat in my shower and cried.

This range of emotions has not been good for me. And now, I think I'm going to go to sleep at 9:30 on a Friday night because I'm exhausted, have nothing better to do and feel so very, very alone.

seven.

SEVEN DAYS!!!! ahh i'm so excited.

seven days from now, i will be celebrating being in my new apartment with my new roomie and friends and tons of alcohol to go around.
eight days from now, i will either have a tattoo or an appointment for a tattoo (depending on how booked ink link is that week).
nine days from now, i will have (hopefully) successfully completed a job search.
fourteen days from now, almost everyone returning to wu next fall will be back in rock hill and lots of partying will commence.

and, even better news, i'm slammed busy all this week which means it will fly by super fast. :D

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

jake: me
amir: alisha

she does it unintentionally and it's not as blatantly obvious, but this is still what it feels like.

consciousness, pt. 13

oooh unlucky number 13. is it odd that 13 has always been my favorite number, despite the unlucky claims about it? i also really love it when there's a friday the 13th in a month. unlucky, i know, but those are some of my favorite fridays.

speaking of fridays, that's what today is. what am i doing? working. what is everyone else in the law office doing? aside from katy (my partner-in-crime and other runner) and tara (assistant and bookkeeper extraordinaire), they've all left to start their weekends early. not that i'd really have anything to do if i started my weekend early. the only thing i've got going on this weekend is work, babysitting, then more work. and find sometime in between to take my final astronomy exam. i really hate that class. i thought it was going to be way more interesting than it turned out to be. perhaps if i had taken it at winthrop, in an actual class setting, it would've been better. oh well. i've got at least a b in that class so, what had to be done is (almost) done. really, the only thing i would do if i left early would be facebook and tumblr (which i would be doing now, but those websites are not allowed at work).

yes, that is how exciting my summer is/has been. well, when you've got one boyfriend obsessed best friend back in rock hill, one at the beach, one who works tonight, one who is unreachable 97% of the time, one who is depressing to be around (and blames that on you), who can you really turn to aside from internet friends? i swear, had it not been for the wonderful people on tumblr and the pervy people on formspring, my summer would have lost what little interest it had a month ago and i would probably be bat shit crazy in a mental hospital right now.

you see, summer works for people like my sister. the social, outgoing people with multiple groups of friends, where if one group was busy/unavailable, she'd have another one to do something with. i'm not saying i envy her vast amount of friends. i'm perfectly fine with the one, close-knit group i have. that is, until it comes to distance. we can never seem to work that one out. my point is, summer does not work for me. i need a season where we're all in the same environment, in the same place. (i.e. during the school year). you can't take 47 vacations and work 17 hours a day during the school year. you have the same breaks and are in class for the same general time frame. the scheduling for free/hang out time works itself out. but then again, maybe i'm just lazy in my planning abilities.

oh, summer. how i loathe thee. although, i am excited to have, like, a week's worth of a break before classes start after i move in. in that week i plan to organize everything that i'll inevitably just dump in my room while unpacking; find a job; and get my tattoo. hell, i may even read ahead for my english and writing classes. more likely, though, i'll just party most every night since i haven't pretty much all summer. i feel weird partying in my hometown. i don't really like the people there when they're drunk (aside from the friends i've been drinking with since high school) and i'm just not as comfortable as i am partying in rock hill. maybe it's because every party i go to in newberry there are at least 4 or 5 people from my high school who come up to me and say, "kathryne! i had no idea you partied. this is so weird. you've got a beer in your hand! never thought i'd see the day." whereas in rock hill, the second i walk into a party it's like, "kat, why don't you have a drink yet?" or "here, take a hit of this." which makes me feel like much less of an awkward, antisocial person. hey, another reason i hate summer. all summer that's what i feel like because my sister's out all the time and i just get to hang around the house with my parents. let me tell you how much fun that is. not.

so, in other words, i have a life in rock hill. and right now i am sick and tired of not having a life. case in point: i just rambled for over 45 minutes about just how boring my life is right now.

rock hill = 7 days and 16 hours away.

rut.

Today at work, I came across an article called The Up Side to Being in a Rut

At the beginning of the article, the woman states quite plainly, "I'm over the summer." And you know what? So am I. At the end of every spring I get all excited about the upcoming summer months. I always forget, though, that by July 5th, I'm pretty much over the whole vacation. It's at this point that I miss my friends. I miss having an actual schedule. I'm tired of working all the time and I'm tired of my parents having control over me again. And by August, when it's the hottest, laziest, dog days of summer, I'm entirely, 100% over summer and over my vacation.

There's a reason why fall is my favorite season and at the end of spring, I always seem to forget that. With fall comes the clothes I look best in, my birthday, my favorite holiday (Halloween), and the feeling that I'm actually accomplishing things and worth something to someone.

But, back to the topic on hand. I'm in a rut. I've been in a rut. This rut sucks. The problem is, I have zero will power to get out of my rut. I tried a 10-day diet thing. I gave up on day 3 due to lack of will power. I tried out my "no hooking up with someone I'm not in a relationship with" rule again, but what do you know? A certain person calls up and there goes the will power to keep that rule in effect. I decide to get up the energy to clean/organize my room so that I'm ready to leave in a week. I get half way through cleaning off my dresser, then get distracted by reading a magazine I found. After the magazine's done, I decide I'll do the rest later. Well, it's later. Is the rest done? No.

The problem is, I can't just sit back and wait for the end of my rut like the woman in the article says to do. It makes me all anxious just sitting around, waiting for something huge to come along and change the way I go through my day to day routine. I can only assume moving back to Rock Hill will be the end of my rut. It's the only thing in the foreseeable future that will change the way I do things with my life.

Good God. These 8 days can not go by fast enough.

realization.

i still really worry about him. like, i know today he was just being overly dramatic, but when you get a text saying "it's over. it's all over." it doesn't go over really well.

it doesn't help that i feel partially responsible for what happened.

ugh. why am i worrying about him so much?

because despite what you say, you actually do still care a lot for the guy and you want him to be alright and happy.

so now what do i do? this would all be so much easier if i were in rock hill.

consciousness, pt. 12

i'm watching animal house. i miss the fraternity guys i hung out with last year. to be honest, they're probably more like the delta house than the omega house. but that's why i like them so much. and it's only 12 (almost 11) days until i'm back in rock hill with those great guys.

on that note, john belushi. 'nuff said.

grab a brew. don't cost nothing.

have i mentioned how ready i am to move back to rock hill? yeah? thought so.

ugh. i'm just killing time until my friend boy (as mrs. murphy would call him) gets here.

you know, when i first saw this movie i felt like katie when she's first introduced. now, i don't really know. i guess we'll figure that out when the semester starts.

well, yeah. that's all i got.

personal.

so, in the movie pretty woman, julia roberts (as a hooker) doesn't kiss the guys she's "with" on the mouth. she was taught not to because it's too personal, too intimate. if you avoid that bit of intimacy, there's a bigger chance that you will not fall for the person, that everything else can just be seen as a "business transaction."

i have a visitor monday. a male-type visitor. and i think this time i'm not going to kiss him on the lips. i know i have before, but things are different now. and i really can't afford to start a new year having fallen for this guy. again.

cause, let's face it. this is not personal, it's strictly business.

EDIT (8/6/10): well, i didn't kiss him on the lips. but we did. and he initiated every. single. one.