consciousness, pt. 10

i feel like i should say something special about this being the tenth installment of this particular "series" of blog entries, but i can't think of anything. this acknowledgement is enough.

today was my second day working as a lifeguard. maybe signing up for a job where i'm in the sun all day wasn't such a good idea for someone with skin as fair as mine. but oh well. what's a little melanoma here and there? kidding. once i gets past the first couple burns i'll be alright for the rest of the summer. and nothing too bad's happened yet.

i was kind of hoping there'd be another play going on this summer that i could participate in at the ritz. i don't really know if i'd have the time to do it, but considering the latest i'll ever work (on a regular basis) is 6:30, i'd probably have more time than last summer. but, alas, i haven't heard of anything. i really do love acting. it's a shame i don't have the balls to declare theater as a major and pursue a career in that. blast. maybe i'll just try out for another school play next semester, one that consists of more than seven parts and isn't student directed (less chance of favoritism). it's there, no point in denying it.

i crave movies and i've been craving "rent" for the past couple days now. thankfully, i have the soundtrack so that's enough to tide me over for the time being. but as soon as i get enough money, i'm going to go get a membership at family video (since the blockbuster in town closed) and rent that sucker. who knows? i might even just sign up for a netflix account. i don't think dad's going to be getting me one anytime soon, even though he used to try to make me ask for one for christmas and my birthday multiple years in a row. i was listening to "another day" today on repeat. that one's definitely my favorite song from the musical. i haven't figured out the significance of that, but i will one day. "what you own" comes in a close second, but i think that's mainly because of the way they filmed it in the movie.

i want to know why. i mean, when you're in a friends with benefits kind of friendship, it's usually CASUAL, right? the "friends" part comes first, does it not? it's "oh, hey, we're an hour and a half away, we're friends right now. we're not gonna plan an elaborate meeting to hook up. oh, hey, now we're in the same town. i don't have anything to do and an empty room. you want to go? you do? sweet." there isn't planning. there isn't a "let's do it this weekend...change of plans. next weekend? ok. crap that doesn't work either. next weekend FOR SURE." and there sure as heck isn't an hour and a half drive that has to be endured by one of the parties. so why? why are you going through all this trouble? then getting your hopes up and then let down when things don't work out? wasn't summer supposed to bring the time you felt it required (but didn't have during the school year) to find a replacement for me? i know we decided to leave things open-ended, but i thought we would keep up with the same "oh, hey, we happen to be in the same town at the same time" kind of thing.

*bathroom break*

i have a horrible headache. i think i might be dehydrated. i forgot to take a water bottle to work.

drat. why did this song have to come on? "cotton" by the mountain goats. don't get me wrong, i love the song. it's just kind of hard for me to listen to. regardless, i'm not going to skip it. i need to hear it. let it all go...

p.s. that earlier rant earlier about friends with benefits was the "what i really want to say in the midst of the bullshit" i mentioned this series of blog entries was all about way back in consciousness, pt. 7.