productivity.

well. i have no idea what to write about.

but it's 1:31AM and i can't sleep (again) so i feel like i should do something that at least SEEMS productive.

sigh

why do i do this to myself? i start looking forward to something and then i start playing out scenarios in my head of how that thing could go. unfortunately, the scenarios in my head are typically directed by some big budget hollywood hot shot so they end up completely unrealistic. then whenever the thing does occur and it's just a simple, everyday life situation, i get disappointed.

and disappointment is the last thing i need right now.

cause, seriously. that combined with sadness and insomnia very well may kill me.