inconsequential.

i abhor the feeling of being inconsequential and i've been feeling it a lot lately, especially with regards to my ex.

he was my first boyfriend and he was my first love (although we never actually got to that part because during the week he was planning on breaking up with me, i was so foolishly trying to figure out how to tell him i love him and he ended up getting the courage before i did). keeping this in mind, the chances of me ever forgetting him or completely moving on are slim to none.

but i was number five for him. and in lieu of discussions/findings post break-up, i've been led to assume that i wasn't even that life-altering of a girlfriend to him. i was just an inconsequential stepping stone between the girl (it sounds to me) he still wishes he were with and the next girl, who (with his "newfound knowledge of himself") he will probably feel closer to.

and all of these feelings would make any smarter person write him off completely, but i can't seem to do it. i just can't get past the fact that someone can mean so much to me, but i've barely left a fingerprint on their life.