babybird.

i ran across this music video on the blog of a follower:



i found the music, the lyrics, the video all to be breathtakingly beautiful. i will more than likely be downloading some more stuff from the artist, babybird, over the course of this weekend.

the video (directed by johnny depp) is based on the story "an occurrence at owl creek bridge" by ambrose bierce which, if you haven't read, i strongly recommend you read. and if you don't feel like reading it, the video is on youtube (but please, i implore you, read the short story first). i had actually completely forgotten about this story, despite having to read and watch it in 11th grade. it's one of those beautifully tragic stories, the kind you expect shakespeare to have a play about.

and i'm so glad that i found this when i did. i don't think under other circumstances i would have been as completely touched or awestruck as i was when i watched it just now. in another mindset, i probably would have brushed it off, only viewing it again because johnny depp directed it and plays the guitar during the song. but this is exactly what i needed right now.

also, i'm in love with a girl i've never met. i came across her blog and began following it. she's recently begun blogging on another website, and since i don't know her e-mail/phone number/facebook, i don't know what that website is. so now i'm left re-reading her old stuff, stuff that she's been through that, ironically enough, i'm going through now.

All I hear is my mouth moving and these words just stumbling out and they're all wrong and I want to take them all back and put them right back in my brain. I can feel myself slowly ruining the walls I've fought hard to put back up, the relationships I slowly mended are falling apart and I am left sitting here unsure of how to handle myself and my actions.

and it's nice to know that i'm not alone in this. that i'm not the only one terrified of my own mind or hopelessly carrying around emotional baggage that i need to leave behind. i wish i knew where she was now.

i'm obsessive. it's not healthy.