tmi.

*Warning* This one may get a little too far into the TMI zone, but this is my blog. So there. :P

Exactly 3 weeks until my birthday. (That wasn't the TMI part).

So, I'm considering (the next time I have a gyno appointment) asking for the pill that only gives you four periods a year. Because recently, I've just stopped skipping that week my current birth control allows for me to have my period because I'd really rather not deal with it. This means I start the next pack a week early, so now I'll have to make an appointment with the gynecologist, like, a month before necessary so I can get a new prescription.

Which, it's not like I'm dreading going earlier than necessary because to be quite honest, I didn't find my last visit (my first one ever) to be that uncomfortable at all, even though it was with a male doctor. I expected to be nervous/uncomfortable. That's what everyone says it's like. I suppose they said this due to the fact that you have someone you don't know all that well feeling around your private parts.

Maybe I wasn't uncomfortable because anytime anyone goes near those areas on me, I automatically mentally detach myself, without ever thinking about it later on. I'm not sure why this is, but it's always been the case. And that's probably why my virginity was never that sacred to me, as I know it is for others. I just handed mine along to the first guy willing to change the fact that I was a virgin, and I honestly don't regret it at all. I've really always seen sex as just another physical activity, like running or swimming, that happens to include another person.

Who knows? Maybe my whole perspective on this is totally skewed. Maybe there is something wrong with my way of thinking and I should've held on a little longer to my virginity, waiting for a guy I'd known for more than a day, one who would be willing to actually love me. Maybe this has nothing to do with my views on sex. Maybe I just didn't get enough attention as a child/adolescent/young adult and this is my way of making up for it. I certainly don't have the answer for this.

Because as far as I've come in my whole "self-discovery" thing this year, I still have a really loooong way to go.