alone.

I think had I not been in (and out of) a relationship before living with Alisha, I would be able to enjoy having Bryan over a little more. I was thinking about this as I was falling asleep last night.

For 19 years I was okay with my friends being all lovey-dovey with their significant others because you can't miss what you never had, right?

Well, I had someone. And I tried not to mess up so that I could keep that someone. After a while, though I guess there's only so much one person can do before the other wants out of the relationship. So after 3 and a half months, I lost what I was trying so hard to hold on to because I thought it could've turned into something so much better than what it ended up being (not that what I had wasn't great, I just don't think it was given the chance to be something even greater).

Now, I have to watch two other people who did hang on long enough that it got to be that special thing. And they enjoy what they have with each other so much that it comes out in their behavior and is nauseating to me, who had that in her grasp and lost it before it could turn into something like that.

I guess I'll wait another 19 years for someone to come along and try harder next time.