psychic.

so, my dreams come true sometimes. actually, a lot of the time. but it's only the really realistic ones. a few nights ago, i had a dream that my ex (T) had to move out of his friend's (F) house because F died. so he moved in with his other ex (R) and they started dating again. then, he decided that since we're friends he would make R and me hang out together because he wanted us to be friends, too.

(random tangent: we're not friends now because i don't like her. i don't know why i don't like her. i don't dislike a lot of people. and i usually have a good reason for disliking people. so the fact that i dislike her this strongly without a reason in and of itself worries me. and no, it's not because she's T's ex. i disliked R on this level before i even knew T.)

back on track, i found out saturday that T had moved out of F's place and was staying with R. (panic) i asked him today why he had to move out of F's place and if he was staying with R for the next month until he moved into the house he's supposed to start renting in august. he said no, that in a few days he'd be moving in with another fraternity brother. (relief)

text conversation:
me: oh good. that would've just been too freaky.
T: huh? we've had a great time so far (interruption: contradictory of the awkward situation he described to me saturday, but i digress).
me: no i had a dream like last week that (description of dream).
T: lololololololololol
me: hey now. i've had dreams come true many times before.
T: well most of that one might

choosing to take a lighter side, i asked if he was planning on killing F. really, i'm just terrified that the "most of that one might" that he meant was that they'd get back together and he'd try to get us to be friends. something that won't happen. which would probably mean our "friendship" would cease. and that tiny bit of hope that i've been holding on to that we'd get back together would be squashed out entirely. i thought about messaging him and asking, in all seriousness, if that's what he meant but i'm just too scared that the answer will be yes.

LIVE UPDATE: T's facebook status: Happy endings dont matter its all about happy middles. his facebook statuses aren't that cheerful.

i just hate it when he's happy with her. but i can't figure out why. is it because it all seems so hypocritical because when we were together he would look back on his memories of dating her without fondness? is it because now i think that that was a lie just to make me feel better because i didn't like her and was already a little self-conscious about being a girlfriend for the first time? and he would tell me how much better at it i was than her. and how much better for him i was than her. is it because all of this is making me doubt myself and him and the things i was told when we were together? or does it all go back to the fact that i genuinely dislike her and can't figure out why?

that above all bothers me. i'm not one to do that. at all. which makes me think there's something really untrustworthy about her that i just haven't seen yet. and i don't care if she's had a rough life before she came to college, guy friend who used to be friends with her but no longer is (hm, does that tell us something, since you're extremely chill and get along with everyone?). there's something not right about her. and i don't want to have to find out what it is.