direction.

i really need to stop texting so much. it wasn't my fault this time, though. i wanted to answer the phone, but i was at work and texting is my only means of communication there. so i was forced to have a conversation i would've much rather had in person or over the phone by texting, but that's what had to happen.

by talking to someone else about this, i came to the conclusion last week that, although i've been doing this whole "soul-searching, figuring out who i am thing" this summer, i've been going about it all wrong. i've been spending time with myself, alone, trying to come up with answers that just weren't there because i was alone.

last week at salkehatchie i was surrounded by my friends and people who cared for me literally 24/7. for seven days. it was there that i realized that all my problems stemmed from me being alone. i'm much more of a people person than i thought i was. i've always thought that i was one of those people that could spend hours upon days upon weeks by myself, without taking a break and hanging out with my friends and the people i care about. i've come to realize that this is why in some of my darkest hours i couldn't console or fix myself; because i was going about it alone. i never asked for help. i never called up anyone just to hang out or chat about something, to take my mind off of how lonely i was feeling. i didn't realize that what i was feeling at those times was even loneliness. i just thought there was something wrong with me and i didn't want to bother the people around me with my problems. now i know that my friends and family are there for me, they want to help me in my hours of need. they don't want me to be lonely if they can do anything about it. until now, i had never realized that the people i love are way more important to my sanity than i had ever thought possible and now i know i've been taking them for granted entirely too much. well, never again.

i think i found what i was looking for this summer. i've still got a ways to go on this journey, but i finally know which direction i'm going in.