love.

it never fails to surprise me when people are shocked to find out i've never had a boyfriend before. then i start to question why they are so shocked. is it because having your first boyfriend is like a right of passage you are supposed to go through at a certain age and i somehow missed that deadline? is it because it's really that strange to have been single your entire life? maybe it's because i don't like bullshit; i much prefer things that are straight foward and have a point to them. i suppose that's why i never did the "date someone for a week" thing in middle school and why i never fell for the "high school sweethearts" bid.

now, with valentine's day approaching i can't help but think about love. and then i turn to something i wrote nearly two years ago in a journal: another thing i thought a lot about was love. even though i've never actually been in love, it's still something i think about from time to time. many of the people i passed tonight were holding hands or linking arms with their significant others, which only made it more glaringly obvious to me that i was walking down that beach alone.

looking back on things like this makes me wonder what falling in love is really like. who will i fall in love with? will it be forever or a first love? is a first love even really love? or are we just kidding ourselves until our one real love comes along? and that makes me think about what if i'm not even here to experience a first true love? i can't help but feel like i'm missing out on something.

so what is love really? is it all it's cracked up to be?


you may feel alone when you're falling asleep
and everytime tears roll down your cheeks
but i know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
someday you will be loved.
-death cab