empty

nearly four months down the drain for one week of not seeing eye to eye. i'm glad to finally see what kind of fighter you really are.

bad.

i have an overactive imagination. and in situations such as these, that's not a good thing.


we'd be so less fragile
if we're made from metal
and our hearts from iron
and our minds from steel
and if we built an armor
for our tender bodies
could we love each other
would we stop to feel

and you want three wishes:
one to fly the heavens
one to swim like fishes
and then one you're saving for a rainy day
if your lover ever takes her love away

you say you want to know her like a lover
and undo her damage, she'll be new again
soon you'll find that if you try to save her
it renews her anger
you will never win

and you only want three wishes:
you want never bitter
and all delicious
and then one you're saving for a rainy day
if your lover ever takes her love away

you only want three wishes:
one to fly the heavens
one to swim like fishes
you want never bitter
and all delicious
and a clean conscience
and all it's blisses
you want one true lover with a thousand kisses
you want soft and gentle and never vicious
and then one you're saving for a rainy day
if your lover ever takes her love away

-three wishes, the pierces

^^is this so much to ask for?

resolution.

i posted this on facebook on january 3, 2010 at 10:34PM.

my resolution: to stop disliking people for no reason. this includes the people i already dislike for no reason/not a very good reason. it's a nasty habit i've developed and i need to weed out the hate in my life. i think this is a pretty doable start. so, no more will i say, "idk, i just don't like them..." or "it's just something about them" or "well they cut in front of me in line that one time, so now i don't like them." this year, i'm spreading the love.

january 17, 2010 at 5:46PM, my inspiration behind this resolution gave me a reason to hate her.

at first, i hated her even more for making my resolution seem inconsequential now because i really don't hate a lot of people and that list became even smaller when i made this resolution. so it made me wonder if my resolution was for naught if i was that easily swayed to begin hating my inspiration again. but when i thought about it more, i realized that she just made it easier for me to define just where the line i had drawn was. of course, she's still on the hate side; that's not changing anytime soon. but her status changing so quickly does not diminish the rest of the people taken off the hate/hit list and i still feel like a better person because i still have cut a lot of hate out of my life. i guess you really can't like everybody all the time.

thoughts.

last semester:

dormant
time is so strange here.
days are shorter, nights are longer.
but my nights have become my days
and days are quickly slept away.
responsibilities have been forgone
for staying asleep in your arms.
feeling safe, i continue to lie there
reveling in your sleepy charms.
i think i love you most
when you first awake.
lazily you gaze over at me,
and a smile spreads across your face.
so our day begins as others' are ending,
and a love lain dormant erupts.


this semester:

question
you ask me what i'm thinking
and i feign sleep to avoid giving an answer.
if you knew the words i choose to choke down,
would you draw me closer?
or run away in fear?
is it too soon to say?
is that even what i'm feeling?
i don't know what to think anymore.
and no, i don't want to change.
but it's going to happen, and change,
change is scary. and i can't do it alone.
so my question is this:
why is it that love is something we seek,
and crave from those we hold dear.
yet when first expressing that love,
we give into fear,
and hesitate?

same.

it's the same thing, different year.

the suffocation, the headaches, the feeling that i'm not good enough and never will be.

and it's all thanks to this house.

resolution.

resolution time.



any ideas?



EDIT: later that day...
resolution: to stop disliking people for no reason. this includes the people i already dislike for no reason/not a very good reason. it's a pretty bad habit i've developed and i need to weed out the hate in my life. i think this is a pretty doable start. so, no more will i say, "idk, i just don't like them..." or "it's just something about them" or "well they cut in front of me in line that one time, so now i don't like them." this year, i'm spreading the love.

quiz.

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament
Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace.
You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions.
You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected.

It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional.
You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others.
While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well.

At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything.
You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams.
You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.



it's very rare that i come across one of those silly internet quizzes that describes me to a tea, but this one did. i feel like right now, i'm at my worst, and it wasn't until i read the ending of the description that i realized it. buhhh.