hopeful.

I really would like to believe in a specific god. I know something created us. We weren't an accidental fluke. There's just no way. Look at a sunset, a baby, the leaves when they change colors, an older person's wrinkles, a human heart. I just can't believe all of that happened by chance. But I don't know how to believe in this father figure of a god when there is no real proof that he exists.

I guess what I'm saying is I wish I had more faith in my faith.

technology.

who'd have ever thought I'd be writing a blog entry from a cell phone? good grief.

unpopular.

Unpopular opinions:
-I can't stand Adele's "Someone Like You." I think "Rolling in the Deep" left a lot to be desired. Basically, I think she's vastly overrated.
-I don't like sweet tea. Get over it. Not all Southerners bleed the stuff.
-I hate the idea of Kindles and Nooks and iBooks.
-I don't see what the huge deal with Dr. Who is. I tried watching it and, obviously, couldn't get into it enough to keep watching past like three episodes.
-I strongly dislike cats. I can handle their cuteness for like five minutes but, after that, I couldn't really care less about them. They're also the only small-ish animal I feel comfortable pushing around.
-I don't get the nostalgic amazement of how great the 90s were. I mean, yeah, the shows/music/clothes were great then, and it was a fun time, but I'm sure that the people of the 80s felt that their decade was better than the 90s, just like the 70s people probably feel that their decade was better than what came after them.

resurface.

I want to start using this blog again. I'm always hesitant to, though, because this is where the "Kathryne-is-a-crazy-chick-with-abandonment-issues-and-can't-stop-posting-that-stuff-on-the-internet" view of me started.

I'm better on my other blog. I've censored myself since starting writing in an actual journal. But there's something about this one that makes me want to avoid censoring, there was a trust I had on here that people wouldn't take what I said out of context or judge me for it. That trust was taken away.

I'm going to try to get it back.

according to this blog

this month in 2009:
i was dealing with a new random roommate and trying to settle the score with a guy that i can't remember who i'm talking about.
i was realizing what a pushover i was.
i was counting down.
i was starting a new chapter with a new guy.
i was blogging therapeutically and contemplating why i was in college.

this month in 2010:
i was contemplating new scripts and discovering that i had no respect for my body - or claim on it for that matter - whatsoever.
i was identifying with a loose girl.
i was dealing with a loss of internet.
i thought about living with alisha after that year.
i was pining over not having a relationship while living with someone who rubbed her's in my face all of the time.
i was dealing with a crazy anonymous bully who almost ended this blog with their taunts.
i ended this blog. (temporarily of course)


according to me:

this month in 2011:
i'm building a better relationship with my parents.
i'm deciding what will be best for me when i graduate.
i'm being a stronger person.
i'm moving on from 2009.
i'm happy.

now, see, the funny thing is

that status i posted ("i give up") on facebook and later commented, "truth is, it's about someone i should've given up on a long time ago."

the funny thing about that comment is that it's a bit misleading. it's actually about three different people (two taylors and an alisha) who were all supposed to be really good friends. and i've been discovering recently that, while i went out of my way to be a really good friend to them, they rarely were a good friend to me (an occurrence that usually only when there was something in it for them).

now here's the funny part: alisha went and "liked" the comment that said "truth is, it's about someone i should've given up on a long time ago." i find it hilarious that she thinks she knows who it's about and is being all like "oh i'll prove how close and good of friends we are by liking this so everyone will know that i know who she's 'mysteriously' alluding to in this vague post hahaha." if only she knew that by liking it, she was agreeing to the fact that she's been given up on because she's not a good friend at all.

there's alway something new.

"Dead is the new unambiguous. Bipolar is the new undecided. Heavily armed is the new born again. Bald is the new head...and the new crotch. Hairy is the new face. Sheepishly admitting to having an STD is the new flirting. Purell is the new face of fear. Finding the time that's right for you is the new impotence. The smiley-face emoticon is the new "sincerely yours." Smoking is the new outdoorsy lifestyle. Looking forward to insanely expensive private schooling, thousand dollar a week nannies and soccer is the new yuppie birth control. Misinformed is the new patriotic. Veganism is the new "tastes like chicken." Serotonin uptake inhibiting is the new crowd control. Texting is the new talking. Talking is the new singing. Singing is the new hubris. Gay marriage is the new "be careful what you wish for." And finally, and only because I really need this to catch on, fifty-seven years old is the new forty-five." -Chuck Lorre Productions, #260

my computer is the new tv.
michelle is the new alisha (before alisha became bryan obsessed).
taylor is the new ally.
ally is also the new ally.
greg is the new "want what i can't have" menu item of the day.
pope & hudgens is the new school.
grad school is the new college.
the gre is the new sat.
tattoos are the new piercings.
piercings are the new jewelry.
hair dye is the new hair ribbon.
rock hill is the new get-a-way spot.
weed is the new alcohol.
alcohol is the new soft drink.
twenty (without alcohol) is the new fifteen (without a driver's license).
birth control is the new vitamin.
sex is the new stress release.
fuck buddy is the new boyfriend.
safe is the new boring.